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Alden Bates' Weblog

Feigning normality since 1973

Subway cut the mustard

Filed in: Tetrap.Local.

I went in to Subway this lunchtime to get a meatball sub and discovered to my horror that they had cut the mustard. Yup, mustard (and oil and marinara) had been removed from the menu (at least at my local branch) because no one was asking for them.

Oil I can understand. As a menu option it's a bit vague. What kind of oil? Vegetable oil? Olive oil? Cooking oil? Crude oil? Who wants oily food anyway? "Mmmm, I'll think I'll haves me some OIL!"

I have no idea what marinara tastes like. Apparently it goes well with seafood, which I'm not particularly partial to. For that matter, the idea of putting fish in a sandwich never really appealed to me. I'll eat it on its own, sure, but in bread? Really it never occured to me to ask for it. Now the option is GONE! Departed. Left the Subway.

But mustard, dagnabbit, goes perfectly on a meatball sub. Whenever I had one before, on went the mustard. Now it too is GONE! Nevermore will I enjoy a meatball sub with mustard on it! Woe is I! Cast adrift, alone on a sea of mustardlessness, forever condemned to order meatball subs without mustard. Cruel mustard, why hast thou forsaken me?

*bows as audience throws vegetables and small bricks at the stage*

Posted March 9, 2005 9:03 PM

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