Helpfully under the cut, in case you're one of the few people left who hasn't seen it. Spoilers included, obviously.
Doctor: "Hello, I'm the Doctor! I didn't check the date when I landed, so I'm not sure why I decided to take a stroll around Mars when there was a good chance there weren't any people here to talk to!"
Adelaide: "Hi, I'm the commander of the first humans on Mars, if you don't count the Mars Probes in Ambassadors of Death. This is my team."
Team: "Hello! The writer didn't have time to give us personalities, so we're culturally diverse to give an illusion of having them!"
Doctor: "Did you say the first people on Mars? Hmm, I should really leave."
Adelaide: "No, you have to stay so I can have a possible saboteur following me around all the time!"
Doctor: "Have you considered bikes? I really should be going."
Adelaide: "Wait! Sentient water is taking over members of my team!"
Doctor: "Shh, John Carpenter might not notice if we don't bring attention to it. Also, bikes. And I should leave."
Adelaide: "The water zombie people are walking inexorably towards us!"
Doctor: "Sorry, you're going to be blown up in a historically significant event, so I should really leave. Also, you should consider some bikes."
Adelaide: "Well, bugger."
Doctor: "See you!"
Team: "Aieee! We're all going to die!"
Doctor: "Oh, wait, I forgot I am a god now! I can use this remote control thing to guide this robot through the torrents of water to the TARDIS and bring it to me!"
Robot: "Roger roger!"
Doctor: "Here, I have rescued you all and taken you to an out-of-the-way planet so you may live out the rest of your lives without affecting established history."
Doctor: "Just kidding, I've brought you back to Earth. Look! There's a shop where they sell bikes."
Adelaide: "You bastard! Now I have to shoot myself to preserve history." [exits stage left, followed by gunshot]
Team: "How the hell are we going to explain how we got back to Earth?"
Doctor: "Not my problem. Byeeeeeeeee! Wait, what's this water all over the floor in the TARDIS?"