Helpfully under the cut, in case you're one of the few people left who hasn't seen it. Spoilers included, obviously.
Doctor: "Hello, I'm the Doctor! I didn't check the date when I landed, so I'm not sure why I decided to take a stroll around Mars when there was a good chance there weren't any people here to talk to!"
Adelaide: "Hi, I'm the commander of the first humans on Mars, if you don't count the Mars Probes in Ambassadors of Death. This is my team."
Team: "Hello! The writer didn't have time to give us personalities, so we're culturally diverse to give an illusion of having them!"
Doctor: "Did you say the first people on Mars? Hmm, I should really leave."
Adelaide: "No, you have to stay so I can have a possible saboteur following me around all the time!"
Doctor: "Have you considered bikes? I really should be going."
Adelaide: "Wait! Sentient water is taking over members of my team!"
Doctor: "Shh, John Carpenter might not notice if we don't bring attention to it. Also, bikes. And I should leave."
Adelaide: "The water zombie people are walking inexorably towards us!"
Doctor: "Sorry, you're going to be blown up in a historically significant event, so I should really leave. Also, you should consider some bikes."
Adelaide: "Well, bugger."
Doctor: "See you!"
Team: "Aieee! We're all going to die!"
Doctor: "Oh, wait, I forgot I am a god now! I can use this remote control thing to guide this robot through the torrents of water to the TARDIS and bring it to me!"
Robot: "Roger roger!"
Doctor: "Here, I have rescued you all and taken you to an out-of-the-way planet so you may live out the rest of your lives without affecting established history."
Team: "Hooray!"
Doctor: "Just kidding, I've brought you back to Earth. Look! There's a shop where they sell bikes."
Adelaide: "You bastard! Now I have to shoot myself to preserve history." [exits stage left, followed by gunshot]
Team: "How the hell are we going to explain how we got back to Earth?"
Doctor: "Not my problem. Byeeeeeeeee! Wait, what's this water all over the floor in the TARDIS?"
Ha! I'd forgotten about the John Carpenter link, and we all know what happened to bikes in that film....
Posted by: the other dave | November 27, 2009 8:22 AM